There’s nothing wrong with having high expectations. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting the absolute best for yourself and your family, we all want that. The problems arise when the idea of “perfection” over shadows the progress we make in our lives. That is, instead of choosing to see that progress is better than aiming for perfection, we ignore the progress and feel down because we didn’t reach that “perfect” moment/idea/lifestyle. I have learned how to choose progress over perfection, simply because perfection does not exist.
My personal struggle with perfectionism. Yes, that’s a thing.
In all honesty, my struggle with perfectionism has been bad. I look back upon the woman and girl I used to be and I cringe. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret my past, it’s taken me this far. But I do feel like grabbing the old me by the arms, looking into her dark brown eyes, face to face and just saying STOP!
Stop missing opportunities because of your self-esteem issues. No one judges you as harshly as you do. Stop.
Stop following the crowd because you’re too afraid to go your own way. Go your own way, you’ll find something better.
Stop expecting your family to read your mind. Stop expecting your kids to clean like you would.
Stop getting mad and blowing things out of proportion because YOUR perception of reality is skewed.
Progress is better than perfection. It means you’re moving forward.
And guess what? That’s better than what you’re doing now.
Because what you’re doing now is staying stuck. You are staying stuck because you value perfection. And perfection is an illusion, it will never be real.
Oh man, if only I had a time machine. I’d give tips to myself all day long.
Things like:
- Do make time to laugh and have fun with your kids Crystal, they’re going to grow up so fast. Please try really hard not to lose your temper around them, and if you do, be honest, they know you’re human and apologize.
- Things will seem bad. Really, really bad. But it’s just your mindset. If you can dig deep and look, you’ll find the lesson in every single struggle and heartache. I promise.
- Take time to enjoy “down-time,” you don’t have to be a busy-body all the time!
*SIGH*
There’s no time machine, no going back, no way to change anything.
And that’s okay. What is important is that I know better now.
I value the present moment over my idea of what the “perfect” moment should look like.
I take comfort in knowing I’m making progress towards my goals. Some people are ahead of me and that’s awesome, I don’t need to feel jealous or feel disappointed ’cause I’m not there yet. My time will come, just like theirs did.
And your time will come too! Are you ready to learn how to choose progress over perfection?
HOW TO CHOOSE PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION
#1 Recognize your feelings.
You can start by keeping a journal and writing a few lines each day, keeping notes on your phone or by asking a close friend or your spouse to let you know when you start acting up.
And by acting up, I mean, you’re going a little crazy (we all do) because you’re focusing on perfection instead of progress.
Please be mindful – if you ask your spouse to call you out, don’t get mad, don’t get crazy. Like I do. I’m working on this too, ok!
Try to see the situation from another point of view and recognize your feelings.
#2 Don’t accept defeat. Let go of that negativity.
Okay, if you’re at this step you realized something’s wrong. You might feel annoyed, angry, or frustrated because things aren’t going your way.
It’s okay to feel these things! But, you have to let go of the negativity.
I would get so irritated because I felt like my house was ALWAYS a mess. I felt like the kids didn’t care and like I was the only one who noticed the mess.
I would slip into that dark void of negativity, fight with the kids, fight with my husband. Anything they did was wrong…. ugh..it was a terrible time. I had absolutely no idea how to choose progress over perfection.
All I knew was I had this idea in my head and that’s what I wanted. Nothing more, nothing less. And I was wrong.
#3 Be consistent.
Consistency will mean progress. Set a plan in order to keep working towards your goal daily. In my example, my goal is to keep my house clean (or I’ll feel like a lunatic) so I signed up for FlyLady.net – she sends out emails daily about what to clean for that day, how to involve your kids with cleaning (and make it fun) and how to get rid of clutter.
So each day my family and I have a plan on what needs to be done, the whole process takes less than 30 minutes daily and 1 hour a week for deeper cleaning stuff.
I don’t feel overwhelmed (except with the garage) and I know each day we are progressing towards a cleaner (and happier) home!
Whatever you goal may be, take time right now to outline daily steps you can do to consistently!
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- Handy tips for focusing on positivity throughout your week.
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I’ve struggled with perfectionism myself too that’s why I could relate so much to you about this. That one line you mentioned; try to see things from another point of view, its very true. Sometimes, we perfectionists spend so much time to perfect one thing that our view became so linear we didn’t even notice that there are other paths ahead of us. Cheers!
Great read! Glad I popped by your blog!