After I talked to her on the phone I felt confused.
Did I do something wrong?
How’d the conversation get so turned around?
Did she need me to come up with a solution for EVERYTHING she was complaining about? Did she just want me to listen?
I tried to get her to see the bright side of things and she sounded even more irritated.
After our conversation I felt negative, uncertain and puzzled. What the heck just happened?
I can for sure say one thing that happened, talking to that person did not make me feel good. In fact, I dreaded another negative conversation and I seriously felt a heaviness in my chest just thinking about the way I felt when I talked to her.
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Do you have someone in your life that makes you feel shackled down with negativity?
If you do then you know how I felt. And you know exactly how YOU don’t want OTHER people to feel around you.
I never want anyone to leave a conversation with me and feel like they’ve been sucked into a vortex of negativity. Ever!
I’m guessing you want to make people feel good around you too, this is something we can work on together.
How to make people feel good around you
The most important thing to remember is this: you won’t be positive all the time. Life is crazy, right? Those curve balls come out of nowhere and hit us where it hurts.
But, it’s up to you to decide how you react to it. You can do things to make you feel better and get you out of that mood. Or you can let the negativity sink in and let it seep out into others.
Yeah, don’t that. Don’t let your negativity creep out and ruin someone else’s day. That is the opposite of what we’re trying to do!
So remember, even if you’re having a bad day, you can still make other people feel good around you.
Step 1: Use the other person’s name
People love hearing their name. Using someone’s name helps you remember it and makes the other person feel more comfortable around you. When people hear their name they turn towards whoever is speaking to them. We are programmed since childhood to give attention to someone who is speaking our name.
Tip: When meeting new people try to write their name down as soon as you can. Writing helps you remember the name, ensuring you won’t have an awkward situation where you call someone by the wrong name.
Been there, done that so many times. Now I try to use a new person’s name during that first conversation because my memory is terrible!
Step 2: Listen. Stop talking and listen to what the other person is saying
Ask questions.
Express interest in their life and repeat back things they say to you.
This shows them you’re actually listening and involved in the conversation.
Don’t forget to add value to the conversation and try not to gossip. If the person you are talking to wants to gossip, redirect the conversation. Redirecting the conversation protects YOU, you can do this by asking the speaker a question. Something like, “I’m not sure about that Mary, but how is your ______ doing?”
Once you’ve redirected the conversation so many times the person will get the hint that you don’t want to participate in gossip but you would love to know more about their everyday life.
Step 3: Give a genuine compliment. This shows you:
- You’re someone who notices things.
- You’re kind.
- You don’t feel threatened by the success, beauty or luck of others.
If you are not the type of person who usually gives out compliments, I challenge you to try giving one new person a genuine compliment each day for 1 week. You’ll be surprised how your positive words can make a difference to others and that positivity will come back to you!
Step 4: Complain with caution.
Things happen and you will end up having to vent to a friend. Don’t vent to a stranger or new acquaintance.
Right off the bat, make sure you tell your friend you need to vent–this lets them know you need someone to listen. If you’re in a really bad mood try to ease out of it a bit before talking to a friend, listen to music, a funny podcast or video. Do something that will take the edge off.
Don’t make every conversation you have with people all about complaining or venting on your end. If you feel like this is happening then stop talking about that part of your life.
Try to add positivity into each conversation instead of using it as a chance to get people to listen to how bad your life sucks right now.
I’m not trying to be mean, but I am trying to keep it real, listening to someone complain over and over is exhausting. And it’s something I personally have a really hard time putting up with.
Step 5: Give your undivided attention
This one is easy. Put down your phone, make appropriate eye contact and don’t interrupt…rude. If you don’t get that Bon Qui Qui reference that’s okay, I still love you.
But seriously, interrupting is something my family is working on. We interrupt each other a lot.
Do you have a hard time giving your undivided attention?
Work on it! Put your phone on silence. Turn off notifications on social media. Do whatever it takes, I promise your relationships and communication skills will be so much better!
These communication tips should help you be a better friend and family member. If you work on improving yourself each day you’ll definitely learn how to make people feel good around you.
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- Handy tips for focusing on positivity throughout your week.
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These are great tips. I know a few people that make me feel so negative after we talk.
Oh no Nikki! I know how that feels, hope these tips help!
Like you said, sometimes life is crazy and you need a friend to vent to, but no one is going to solve your problems for you, and the way you look at situations makes a world of difference. If you’re bogged down with negativity all the time, it will just make life harder. You need to see the positive in situations and people- or just move on. Great post!
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Thank you Pam! It’s always nice to have someone you can vent to. Love your input about seeing the positive in situations or people or just moving on. That is a great way to put it!
Hi Crystal! Thank you for sharing this. It has helped me alot. I have to deal with alot of people on an everyday basis. And some are very negative. These tools have been helpful.
Clinton, thank you for letting me know how this post helped you. I went through a work situation that was heavy with negativity, and worked very closely with one person in particular who was extremely negative. That situation was so difficult for me because I was a people pleaser and took things very personally. I’m learning to let go of other people’s problems and stop taking things so personal! I hope things get better for you.