I recently had a reader and podcast listener reach out and ask me a question via email. {FYI – I love that and I love chatting with readers so if you have a question – email me at Crystal@lovemoreliveblessed.com} Her scenario and question boiled down to this: what do you do when you feel like you have to cut someone out of your life? I’d love to hear your response whether it’s in the comments or via email!
The Problem
Sally (not her real name) is having an issue with an acquaintance, let’s call her Amanda. Amanda is inviting herself over, making Sally feel bad if Sally doesn’t do what she wants her to do. Sally feels inconvenienced and also feels guilty because she knows Amanda is lonely.
My Response went something like this:
Please note, I am not suggesting that you need to cut out every person who annoys you out of your life. I didn’t write in the entire email from the reader – but from what I read I knew I had to share my personal story and advice. This may not work for your situation. We obviously can’t cut out everyone and we certainly don’t need to. My response is more about personal empowerment and still being kind.
There doesn’t have to be an awkward situation, no confrontation needed.
How to cut someone out of your life
1. It’s time to set some boundaries! – okay so this chick is inviting herself over and yeah that is an inconvenience and I would be annoyed too! So, the next time she drops by you say something like, “Oh we were just leaving, I didn’t know you were stopping by but I’ll give you call when I’m able to hang out.” And you don’t have to lie, get your kids ready and take them to park or something. Don’t let her inside. If she’s inviting herself over the phone say something like, “Oh that doesn’t work for me. But if I’m able to hang out next week, I’ll let you know.” – This puts the ball in your corner and you’re in control. Stop making and/or accepting plans with this person today!
Always, always be in control of the situation. If for some reason you do see her in public you be kind and make small talk (if you want to) or just smile and wave. LOL. But do not feel guilty about telling her no. And don’t feel like you have to make up lies. People don’t need explanations, a simple, “that doesn’t work for me” is good enough! Don’t feel like you have to make up stuff to fill your schedule in order to tell her no.
2. I totally believe in loving people from afar! – You can still love this person, and wish them the best of luck…but from afar! You don’t have to have them in your face daily. I believe some people are meant to be in our lives, we definitely learn lessons from everyone we meet and some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. And that’s okay. I have 2 people (a previous neighbor and a family member) that I had to cut out of my life because of the negativity – I literally felt drained every time I was with them. I cut them out by setting boundaries – all of a sudden I wasn’t able to hang out when they wanted, I didn’t talk to them on the phone, I didn’t return calls for the first month or so. IT WAS HARD and I did feel bad. But, it was how I could feel normal and stop the negativity. And now I don’t feel bad about it. My old neighbor (and the family member ) if I saw her at Walmart or something I would stop and say hi and chat- but I would not accept or allow any invitations to hang out. I can always be kind but I don’t have to allow people I find draining into my life and into the life of my family.
3. Trust and LOVE yourself. Remember 2 things: what other people think about you is none of your business and you are the only one who’s going to take care of you. All right, you started saying no, trying to love from afar and you feel bad – you wonder what this person thinks about you, what they might say about you – just let that go! Keep moving forward, with a positive attitude and take care of yourself. Your family, life, friends are counting on you for so many things – why let someone stress you out? Nope, you gotta put yourself first and let them go!
What do you think Sally should do? Let me know in the comments!
You can listen the audio version of this post on the Love More Live Blessed Podcast
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