I actually had a great morning. I felt super inspired and felt an incredible amount of gratitude for the way things had been playing out in my life.
I felt like my positivity activities (mantras, meditations and intentions) had been working double time. Everything felt good.
And things were actually going wrong!
We took our truck in for routine maintenance over the weekend and learned this morning they turned on the engine and ran it without oil. Our engine was not salvageable. We’ll be without the 2nd vehicle for a week or more. We don’t know.
And guess what? The news didn’t bother me! We had it figured out.
The house didn’t get cleaned last night so this morning I woke up to a sink full of dishes plus who knows what piled onto the counters and dinner table.
And that didn’t bother me! I used selective sight to ignore the shit out of the kitchen and dining room today! I figured it’ll get done when it gets done.
Dirty kitchens used to put me in such bad moods.
Not today though! Not today.
The next crazy thing was I ate just about an entire bag of Trader Joe’s Organic Elote Corn Chip Dippers. My excuse – I had to use up the guac in my fridge. You just can’t let guac go bad! It’s a sin! I grew up catholic so I totally know this.
And even though I had a slight stomach ache and nausea most of the day I was still in a happy mood!
Plus – it was more than halfway through the day and I hadn’t got my work-out in. That usually gets the crankiness started. But nope, not today. I had no cares!
So you wanna know what put me in the worst mood ever?
The 6 year old wouldn’t stop screaming (at the top of her lungs) for almost 2 hours straight.
If you’ve been around a screaming kid (any age) you know just what kind of parenting hell this feels like.
To top it off for 1 of those hours I was still working! So while I was trying to concentrate on my job – ya know the one that feeds the kids, I kept hearing blood curdling screams coming from various parts of the house.
WTF.
I asked my husband to step in.
He proceeds to YELL (I coulda done that) for her to stop screaming.
Do you think the screaming stopped?
Yeah, it didn’t stop.
Plus, mean-mom mode came out and I ran out of the office to tell her to shape up. I also took away the TV remote. This of course, started another round of crying.
After work the 6 year old managed to find more things to cry about. Mostly things like “you’re a mean mom,” and my favorite, “you never buy me anything.”
I finally had enough. I responded by saying, “Yes, I am the worst mom ever!”
Which prompted more tears from the 6 year old. I don’t get it, I was agreeing with her!?
My oldest is 14. He could tell we both needed a break so he invited his baby sister to hang out and color in his room for a bit.
Having teens is amazing sometimes!
I took a break to play outside with the puppies. We have three of them and they are cute AF.
Then, I set a 30 minute timer and sat on the couch to read.
Not even 5 minutes into reading the 6 year old walks in with “gifts.” Drawings that she made just for me. Sweet, right?
She asked to cuddle next to me while I continued reading.
I kissed her goodnight. She kissed me back and wrapped her little arms around me.
I held her and continued reading about the power of intention.
I held her until her breathing slowed down and her eyes slowly closed. And as she drifted off to sleep looking like an angel, I felt like the worst mom ever.
I felt like the worst mom ever because:
- I didn’t bother to ask why she was screaming so much. The screaming annoyed me. She does it a lot when she doesn’t get her way and she was fine. I just asked her to quit it!
- I lost my temper and agreed with her on how I was the worst mom ever. For some reason that made her cry. 🙁
- I felt super annoyed as a mom.
I let those thoughts and feelings sink in for a bit. I let myself feel them.
Next, I told myself the truth.
The truth is I am NOT the worst mom ever.
We had a bad moment. That bad moment does NOT define me as a mother.
The truth is I’m going to lose my temper at times. I am human. It happens.
The truth is motherhood isn’t perfect and feeling annoyed as a mom is probably something a ton of other moms also feel.
The truth is I am not the worst mom ever. And you aren’t either!
The 6 year old fell asleep next to me, the mother who she feels safe next to. The mom she adores. The moms she feels safe throwing tantrums with! (Side note: she doesn’t throw tantrums when she’s with my mom!)
I may not be the-best-mom-ever. But, I am doing my best. And I know you are too!
Have you ever felt like the worst mom ever?
Do you get the Resource Page?
Each week I'll send you the latest Resource Page. In it, you'll find
- Handy tips for focusing on positivity throughout your week.
- Tricks for getting your kids to listen to your every word (just kidding,Girl-- I'm still working on getting my kids to listen!) But I will send you fun activity ideas for you and your kids to do together.
- Useful tools that I come across, like meal planning ideas and such!
I really loved reading this. I have told myself “I’m such a bad mom!” so many times! You are a great mom, anyone would love to have you as their mom. Thank you for imprinting a positive note inside my head for when I feel like this again.
Being a mom is a tough job, but so worthwhile! I appreciate all that my Mom has done for me. She is my hero.